Reflections on dealing with parents

Dealing with parents is one of the most significant and challenging parts of my job.  So it should be.  I am in charge of what happens to their children every day.  They trust me with those most precious to them every day.  I can be nothing but honoured that they have chosen to trust me and my school.  This blog post is a reflection on some times I've got it wrong, some top tips that have helped me and how you get away from taking it personally, whilst learning and changing what you need to.

Back in 2004 I had just been promoted to Deputy Head of a challenging school.  I was 28.  I knew pretty much nothing, so little that I didn't even know that I didn't know.  The head was out and I had been put in charge for the day.  A phone call came from a father of one of our challenging pupils who was very angry about his son having been chastised the previous day.  I asked the secretary to deal with it in the hope it would get put on hold as the head was out.  I bottled it.  The secretary tried her best to negotiate calm but it ended with him saying he was on the way down to school to thump the head.  She said that the head was out and Mrs Taylor (that was my name then) was in charge.  'Well I'll thump her then!' was the reply.  Ten minutes later he was stomping down the path to the entrance.  I looked out of the window and thought 'well, this will go one of two ways!'  The next thing I did was really stupid.  I was sure I could calm him down and took him into the office.  It worked out ok, he didn't thump me.  I should have spoken to him myself on the phone I let it go too far.  My avoidance of the tough conversation and delegation to the secretary of that created a situation where I got away without being thumped by the skin of my teeth.

Two years later I was Deputy Head in a different, just as challenging school.  I had made a CP referral that led to children being taken into care immediately.  Which was the right decision. I had managed the whole thing as the head was out. There's a theme here eh?! The single mum was distraught and jumpy and said she wished she had a cigarette.  I took her out the back and gave her one of mine and had one with her.  Whatever she had done my human heart couldn't leave her floundering as she lost everything.  I knew it was wrong and fessed up to my head the next day.  She said I had compromised my safety and integrity and she was right.  This volatile parent could have thumped me and it gave the wrong message about us as a school.

Three years later and I was head of the village primary school where I still work.  A member of my teaching staff had spoken to a child about her writing.  The nature of that was absolutely reflective of our ethos of challenge and expectation. The parent complained by email.  I bottled it and answered the email.  Error.  This is a face to face conversation always.  Email always sounds wrong.  It's difficult to sound like you care about the child over email when you are also trying to defend a member of staff.  It's too difficult to manage that balancing act by email.  The child left the school shortly afterwards.  I knew I'd got it wrong and that this parent, who had been through quite a lot already, felt disappointed in me.  That was a tough pill to take but I needed to take it.  It was important to give a clear message that I supported what the member of staff had done and would condone that happening again.  However through the medium of email I had come across officious, disingenuous and given the impression that my member of staff was more important than her only child.  Of course not to her.

I recognised at that point that I had some learning to do so I went on a brilliant course that was run by Southern Educational Leadership Trust.  It was on handling that type of challenging interaction.  It covered parent and staff interaction.  It's no exaggeration that it changed my life!  I am a great believer in recognising your skill gaps and there are some things need to be taught to you.

Here are my top tips:

Never respond in writing- talk, if possible face to face.
Don't talk first, it's their child.  Let them say everything they need to.
Know the children, show you do and say that you care.  It's the most disarming thing you can do.
Don't leap to the defensive position, say you will need to go away and fact find and meet again.
Don't leap to the deference either, 'I'm sorry you feel like that' is very different to 'I'm sorry.'

Two years later a parent came to see me with some concerns about behaviour in the playground.  I listened properly, I acted on the concerns.  The way we worked together improved things and my acceptance that she had a good point improved the school. I felt happy that it had been resolved. A week or so later she had booked to see me again.  The night before was sleepless, I was convinced I'd messed up somehow.  It turned out that she had come to see me to tell me about her cancer diagnosis. She is an inspiring lady and has beaten cancer, she's cycling from Lands End to John O Groats in summer for Cancer Research. If you can spare a few pounds please do.

https://www.justgiving.com/Kim-Todd/

I'm running with her to train for the London Marathon and feel very lucky to consider her one of my friends.  We also now train with the parent who I mentioned earlier in this blog that I emailed.  It has been a privilege to be able to at least begin to put right what I got wrong and make that acquaintance again.

The notion that we are all human and mess up sits less easily when we are in charge of the futures of a lot of small humans.  They only get the one chance at school and the adults mistakes are costly.  That doesn't mean we don't make them of course, it just means we have to try to find ways to make less.

'What do the good kids get?' A short blog post on rewarding those that love learning.

It's true to say that a large proportion of teacher time can end up spent devising systems and planning strategies and approaches for children who find it difficult to engage with learning and behave well.  For whatever reason, where we recognise that there is a barrier for a child between them and learning we throw our hearts and souls into reducing it as much as we can.  Even removing it, if we can.  We have that as our core purpose and hold the belief that good systems for reducing barriers to learning benefit all children.  We may also feel that those that don't have barriers there are the privileged.  That to love learning and be unhindered in that love is reward in itself.

From time to time though throughout my career I have encountered the 'but what about the good kids?' question.  It's perfectly valid for staff to feel that those children who make a sustained effort to work hard and behave well all of the time deserve reward. At times I have myself worried that the lion's share of my energy and time is spent on children, and parents, who don't behave toward me or my staff in a respectful way.  It can even make our thinking as teachers and leaders disproportionate.  The feeling that there is a huge problem with disrespect around school when actually the quiet majority are just that, quiet. The loud minority are very loud, but a minority nonetheless.

At my last school, a large primary in a deprived area where I was Deputy Head, we had the 'but what about the good kids?' chat at SLT. We decided to reward them with a gold certificate every term.  This was for every child that hadn't lost a single minute of golden time.  At the end of the year, if they had all of their certificates they got a golden medal.  A couple of slightly unexpected things happened.  Some expected things did too, like the desolate faces of the children who knew very well they would never get one but we'd already reconciled that in our minds with the rewards they regularly got.  The unexpected bit was though that the really good kids started to have golden time taken away after we introduced this for things like talking.  It was like staff were watching them harder.  Having never had to cope with that before they were devastated.  It was like we weren't satisfied with trying to deal with the children who found it hard to behave, now we'd made it harder for the children that found it easy! The other thing that happened was really good kids arguing decisions about removal of golden time when they thought it was unfair, which of course then got them into more trouble!  We introduced the medal idea for valid reasons and we all believed it was right, but looking back perhaps not, or maybe it was the linking to golden time, who knows.  The Head there is amazing and has taken the school from bottom end of satisfactory to top end of good in really challenging circumstances so I'm sure it got tweaked but I just include it as an example of where extrinsic reward can go as awry for the well behaved as it can for the poorly behaved.

My daughter is year 5 and she is a good girl.  She works hard, loves learning and I'm told she's a pleasure to teach.  As I tucked her into bed last night she said 'Oh mum, Mr Grant came to find me at lunchtime to tell me he'd marked my assessments and I got a 5C.  He was really proud of me.' She was made up, glowing with pride.  Mr Grant is a fabulous teacher, he has a strict but caring manner.  He's humorous and she likes him very much, he doesn't bandy compliments around unless they are very well deserved.  The fact that he'd taken the time to come and find her at lunchtime, the fact that he was proud of her. To her that made every bit of work she had put in worth it.

My husband is teaching a bit of the time again now.  In the year 3 class he has sometimes there's a girl he calls Dave, don't ask me why -apparently her mum doesn't mind!  He has a bit of jokey banter with Dave, she's a quiet girl who always gets on and works hard.  But she needs to know her learning is noticed and appreciated.  Last year in his year 6 class he had a very quiet lad called Stratton.  A very clever boy but needed bringing out of himself a bit.  My husband put him  in charge of the assembly music and they had a bit of quiet daily banter about it.  I visited one day and at the end of assembly as Stratton walked to the line after putting the music away he jokingly shook his fist and said 'Moore!' My husband did the same gesture and said 'Stratton!' The lad had a little laugh to himself.  Anyone who has heard David Didau speak about stuck strategies may remember 'ask Chloe.'  This was in a class he had that constantly fussed.  If the fuss was beneath his contempt as teacher he would refer them to Chloe, a sensible hard working lass who would then put them straight.  Which she loved.

Great teachers like Mr Grant, David Didau, and my husband get how to reward the good kids.  They capitalize on their love of learning, allow them to explore humour and praise them so that they grow a bit.   They also show that they have taken time to be proud of achievements.  A positive word at lunchtime or a quick phone call home can mean as much if not more than a certificate or medal.  The value in loving learning is reinforced and the love of learning continues.

The last chance saloon

If I describe this kid you can probably think of one of them  I can think of at least ten over the course of my career.  My memory isn't as good as it used to be either.

In the infants was seen by staff as a loveable rogue.  Name was often preceded with 'ohhhh...' and accompanied by a smiley roll of the eyes or hair ruffling when child had misbehaved. Is a good kid and wants to do well but does daft things and behaves like the class clown and ALWAYS gets caught.  Does one of the best hang dog expressions ever observed but will go and do the same thing all over again ten minutes later and still gets caught.  Seems to be able to 'grade' teachers and support staff with almost Ofsted style precision as to how able they are to manage behaviour.  The moment it's a person who is less than a great behaviour manager is onto them and does ridiculous, disrespectful things.  Everyone cares very much for all pupils but for this child there's a bit of a collective 'soft spot.' I could go on but I'm sure you have a few names in mind already!

As a profession we term this type of behaviour as 'low level disruption.'  The theory is that the better teacher you become the lower level it gets.  But is that true?

I put a child on lunch time report today in the same way as I've seen it done well by secondary colleagues.  The incident that led to it was minor in some ways, rolling around on the floor in the lunch room to make everyone else laugh and rile the lunchtime supervisor.  But it was the background that bothered me.  There have been too many 'last chance' conversations.  Every one of those last chance conversations has led to an effort the next day and then the day after another 'last chance' conversation. What subtle message am I giving there as the head? To the child and the staff being disrespected.  To the child 'It's your last chance before punishment but it isn't if you look sorry and be good for half an hour tomorrow on the playground at lunchtime.' To the staff 'this kid can basically treat you as they choose as long as they say sorry, whether or not they mean it.'

The child and I had gotten into this kind of odd routine where I had started to unwittingly condone behaviour that was actually quite disrespectful for all sorts of complex reasons that I hadn't really thought about.

I'll come back to my previous 'is that true?' Yesterday I was on duty at lunchtime.  I caught the same child throwing food.  Because it wasn't how it'd looked at first, the child looked sorry and some others had done it I did the whole 'I'm a bit disappointed' thing.  I caught same child later doing a forward roll on the playground which they know is banned.  I pointed and said 'No! that's ridiculous!' Because I'm an experienced behaviour manager and I catch this kid sooner it stops and doesn't escalate but I have been unwittingly feeding the problem.  I am dulling the 'low level behaviours' for me but amplifying them for others.  I'm the head, that can't happen.  I've been mulling that over since yesterday. These infinite last chances have to stop. 

When I got called over to the rolling around the floor thing today I magpied from Vic Goddard and just said  'My office.' Child got up and went immediately.  I went to chat to his teachers (they are a job share, both outstanding and my SLT) so we could come up with a shared idea of action.  I'm really glad I did that first it gave me some great things to say to the child.  I started with how much we care and then explained why the child was sitting in my office.  I kept it simple, the rolling around on the floor.  I then said it's good to say sorry but the behaviours then need to change and this is an example of how they haven't. I said that we can all teach the right choices and help to change the bad choices but there's only one person who can make better ones and that is you.  Then came the game changer (always sport as a reference point for me!)  For many carefully chosen reasons within this job share one teacher is perceived as stricter. It's actually genius but it's another whole blog! I'll call the 'strict' teacher Mrs A for the purposes of the following:

Me: do you know what Mrs A has just said to me about you?
Child: no
Me: she said that you are good in your essence, do you know what that means?
Child; no
Me: she thinks you are a really good kid and she doesn't want anyone to think any different and she's scared that if they do teachers at your secondary school might think you're a bad kid when you're not.

At that point the child began to sob.  It's the first time I've ever seen what I would call genuine remorse from the child that has the best remorseful expression I've seen in my entire career.

We have a year and a half to tackle this now before this child arrives in secondary school and tackle it we will.  No more of this hair ruffling as it won't help.  I couldn't help but think of Miss Uren in Education Yorkshire when she was dealing with Bobby-Jo.  He needed that barking at he got over his lateness and his genuine tears showed it hit home.  I obviously couldn't begin to comment on his primary experience but I can imagine myself saying 'ohhhh Bobby-Jo' or a stern 'no, stop that' then the same 'no, stop that' ten minutes later.  I know as a primary head in a context where there are some high level disruptions but few low level ones that I am tuning some of those lower level ones out and that's not fair on anyone, especially the child. The last chance saloon does no one any favours when it comes to behaviour management. 









 

Passmores - do things everyone does in a way no-one does

So many blog thoughts, so little time.  I'm going to channel Phil Beadle a little bit here by acknowledging that I can't really be arsed to write this blog.  It's not that I'm not inspired by being at Passmores today for the Independent thinking day, I am. My mother in law and MY OWN MOTHER said I sounded happier tonight than I have for months.  But I can't really be arsed to write about it because I'd quite like to watch TV and drink wine and beside that the kids were a pain in the arse to get to bed and  it's taken me absolutely ages to do the washing up because there was loads of it.

But I am going to write about it.  Because if I don't it won't be fresh so it won't mean as much. When I write a blog post  I get a bit 'oh someone read it' over it which is utterly stupid as the intention is that someone reads it.  Or is it? Is the intention that I get to write it?  So when I blog I use that to reflect a lot.  I re read old posts.  I don't want to not capture (double negative - SPaG police) that moment and how I felt.

I got an extra four hours of quality JPD (rather than CPD) today from the fact that I was driven to and from Passmores by my children's headteacher.  I could go on and on but all you really need to know is that my two children, aged ten and four, genuinely think that he puts on his superhero cape before his shirt and tie.  And I think they might be right!

Arriving at Passmores and being there,  I've done it a couple of times now, is special. The first time I thought it was the building.  I get jealous when people can get paint to stay on walls and things don't leak all the time! Passmores is the stuff of dreams building wise.  But it isn't that.  It's how it feels in there.   I saw it loads last time I went as there were pupils around and the interactions and relationships were the stuff of dreams education wise.  My husband went to visit and he didn't want to like it because I'd gone on about it.  But he couldn't help himself.  As a person who loves opportunity and excellence he loved it immediately with just the same regard as me.  As soon as you walk in you feel better about yourself.  Every person you see or speak to, and this was the same at Springwell in Barnsley where Dave Whitaker is HT, no matter who they are or what they do is sunny and helpful.  Every person, EVERY PERSON, subscribes to Vic's newsletter and is on the same road with the same intentions for children.  It makes me feel like I can do that too. Vic and Dave are infectious and contagious. It's not just that you want to be like them, you feel like you can and will!  It's unconditional positive regard & authentic care for us adults too. 

The other thing that both Vic and Dave do is say things without fear of retribution, as long as they are true and fair.  They are very similar and I guess that's one of the great things about the way the world is now.  We find our value twins.  We are able to because of media and sharing.  I loved what Dave said in his talk today about when he was an NQT.  He saw colleague shouting at and pushing a child that had just had a fight.  The child punched the teacher and got permanently excluded. Dave: 'saw that guy the other day at a funeral. He's a deputy, looking for headship.  Still a dickhead.'  I don't think I've ever met a person who uses a few words, and the pauses between words, in the way Dave does.  It's something I aspire to!

Seeing Vic and being at Passmores also helps me to remember that this is the best job ever.  Who gets to go into an environment every day where they literally can change the future?  Who gets that moment most recently seen in Educating Yorkshire where your work (YOUR WORK ) affects a person in a life changing way.  It's such a privilege and such a feeling that it is totally addictive and that's why we do it.  We are addicts.  This job can be harsh and damaging but we are as addicted to it as a class A drug addict as 5 minutes of that feeling when a pupil does something that will change their life because of you and the way you are and the way you teach is worth a weeks of the DTs where circumstances conspire to convince you that you are shit at all you do.

Every single workshop contained resonance.  It was joint practice development today.  We were all in it together because Ian Gilbert and Vic Goddard had decided we would be and my goodness best of luck defeating either in an argument, never mind both! I picked up some of the best hot tips ever! Here are just a few:

1: If brilliant sparky staff love working for you they will come back across the world to work for you
2: You need a balance of those massively sparky staff  and the quiet supportive staff that sort of emerge from nowhere when you most need them and both need to feel as valued.
3. When you work in an ethos where you can ask questions you forget how little most people do that and how uncomfortable they find it to do
4. Really good teachers can teach anyone whether they are adults or children.
5. its really exciting when a massive Christmas tree arrives :)

There's loads more I could say but as I've said I want my glass of wine and twitter has been without me for a good hour now ;) so I'll finish with something I learned about myself today that was totally incidental.

I had a tweet after the day from Ian Gilbert to say that I should have come and introduced myself.  I didn't reply for ages because my first thought was. Yes, I should have.  Which was swiftly followed in my brain by 'why didn't I?'

I have two ITL cards that I've had for so long that they are kinda peach now rather than red.  They are the same.  They say 'do things no-one does, or do things everyone does in a way no one does'

When I moved into my first house. My house. That I rented. I stuck card 1 to my kitchen wall.  When I was promoted to my first leadership job.  The first time I had an office and a door that I could choose to open or close, I stuck card 2 to my office wall.  I am now in a different marriage, house and school but card 1 is on my kitchen wall and card 2 is on my office wall.  What Ian Gilbert has done for what I believe and how I am I can't even begin to explain.  What I couldn't explain in 140 characters on twitter to him is that I couldn't just bowl up to him and go 'Oh hi Ian, I'm Lynne.  You might have seen me on twitter. I hugely admire you (goes into all reasons why for last 15 yrs) ' as I would look a bit of a nutter.  But equally I couldn't not say that.  As it's the truth! What else would I say? Next time gadget :)

Thank you for today everyone at Passmores and ITL.  Your weather is becoming a wider range and longer term forecast Vic and that's making this continue to be the best job in the world.



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Educating anywhere

I'm fresh from my first watch of Educating Yorkshire, well once I'd checked on the kids, popped to the Co Op for milk before it shut and then watched the bit at the end I'd missed.  I want to try and get down in a blog some thoughts because I'm sure in 12 hours the to do list will have taken back over.

I loved it.  It's inspiring, it's heart-warming, it resonates deeply with everything I believe in as a headteacher and always have believed in as a teacher.  It celebrates the pupils in a way that is just fabulous and it shows in a real way how a new headteacher has seeded, watered and grown an ethos.  The seedlings of this ethos are in front of our eyes here and that is a fabulous privilege to be able to see.  But it isn't all the way grown yet and that is also deep within it's beauty.  I'm sure Johnny Mitchell will go into school tomorrow and see just how much taller the trees of that ethos are from when the show was filmed.

I don't think in this job we ever get to rest in the shade of those trees, but most of us would just get bored of that anyway!

Many people online are making comparisons between Educating Yorkshire and Educating Essex.  I don't think the two are comparable.  They are from different areas with different social perceptions and cultural norms.  We are led into that comparison by the media in a very Pavlovian way.  It sounds and looks similar.  Creatures find that comforting.  We liked Educating Essex, this has the same sounds, we like it!  The bell ringing at the beginning, the music, the filming techniques.  But, to be fair, this is a very ethical production team and they do this stuff well actually.

It reminded me about the way Tom Bennett wrote about cultural memes in this brilliant blog about Trollday:

http://behaviourguru.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/silence-death-of-activism-why-troliday.html?view=magazine

I didn't have much understanding about the term meme before I read this and it made me wish Tom had been my English teacher!  This subtle media branding is everywhere and that's in play here.  I don't think for gaming, just because that's always the case.  Let's be careful though that it doesn't get in the way of us celebrating Passmores for what it is, and Thornhill for what it is.  Whilst I don't think they are comparable though, that doesn't mean I don't think there are many similarities.

I watched the Sky reality program about Harrow last night and what struck me wasn't really the differences, they are a given as it costs £30,000 a year, but the similarities.  For example the Assistant Headteacher and the way he supported the boys who were getting detentions or having friendship issues.  The support staff, they might be called something old fashioned but there's no difference between them and the staff doing the same at Passmores or Thornhill when you actually hear what they are saying about their pupils and how they care and support and challenge.  Is Ollie, who detests his straw hat because he wants to look cool, that different in his essence to Luke or Kammren?  All clever, all railing against authority.  All in possession of the thing that frustrates teachers the most.  The possession of the ability to do amazingly well but the lack of any inclination whatsoever to do it and using their ability to wind up every adult they encounter!

For those that didn't catch the Harrow thing here's the link:

http://sky1.sky.com/sky1hd-shows/harrow-a-very-british-school

What Vic Goddard, Martin Smith (head of West Acre at Harrow) and Johnny Mitchell do all have in common though is that they quite clearly love this job.  We hear and see an awful lot of what there is to dislike about being a headteacher.  But even on the days (sometimes months...sometimes whole academic years) where the wrung out feeling outweighs the heartswell it's still the best job in the world.  There are always glimmers.  Even in a really bad week.  The other great thing is that one minute of heartswell counters 100 minutes of heartache.  That's headteacher maths there.

I think it was hard for Passmores in some ways as they did it first.  I hope the Daily Mail will give Thornhill an easier ride, I'm avoiding the daily fail at the moment for the sake of my blood pressure so I shan't know.  I am very grateful though to Vic for trailblazing as before that I thought quite a lot of what I was doing as a head was probably about to get me the sack and that I wasn't anywhere near thick skinned enough!  We don't get a lot of love sometimes and we don't ask for it but the likes of Johnny and Vic sure help with the idea that it's ok to be a normal human being.

I very much look forward to the rest of Educating Yorkshire and Thornhill deserve to feel very proud.
 

Observations on a residential visit

Children have far less inhibitions when communicating with children who don't speak the same language.  They are far better at non verbal forms of communication and have a better repertoire of non verbal conversation starters than us adults.  We just don't make up enough secret handshakes with one another!

Children who seem very confident in class quite often fall apart during some of the challenges on residential visits.  Lots of children who are really quiet in class climb stoically to the top of the leap of faith and jump off.

Most staff love working on residential visits and are great at maintaining the balance of managing behaviour and allowing for adventure and fun.

A few staff clearly don't like residential visits very much.  These are often heard talking loudly about how much they do like residential visits and how they 'always go.'  They tend to present in one of the following two ways:

- ignoring their children and their behaviours completely

- continually chirping at their children and over managing their behaviours

Children are not very good at putting duvet covers on their duvets!

Children don't seem to know how to give one another a bunk up a wall any more.  This leads me to wonder how they climb trees, and if they ever do.

A very high proportion of staff on residential visits are wearing team tops for sports teams or PE department jackets.  Myself included, even if the team wear is a little historical now. 

No matter where you go on a residential visit and how amazing the activities are the children are always desperate to get into the gift shop.

Teachers generally get on great!  Throw a big mix of us from different provisions and areas into a teacher lounge and it tends to become a big happy staff room; with biscuits, banter and wine.

Teachers will use any opportunity to learn.  The teacher lounge on a residential is no exception.  Our note books came away full of ideas.

Children showing the values of your school to others in their behaviour and attitude is one of the greatest things in the world.

A dot on the Raiseonline....

Imagine.

For the first 8 years of your life you were neglected and abused by everyone at home that was supposed to care for you.  This was normal life and you didn't know any different.  You didn't know that this wasn't how everyone lived.  You didn't even have any idea what birthdays and Christmas were.

When you reached school age you were supposed to be attending school but you didn't get taken there every day.  Sometimes there wasn't an adult sober enough or awake to take you.  You quite liked it when you were there but you didn't know how to please any of the adults and you sensed they weren't very pleased with some of the things you were used to doing at home.   Sometimes they seemed shocked.  Every time the professionals started digging into why your behaviours were different and your attendance poor you were enrolled at a different school.  Until your third one where a shining light of a Deputy/Senco got a gut feeling about you, and bravely acted upon it.  She didn't have much evidence, she took a risk.

Things moved fast as soon as the fragments of your life were joined together by the professionals. You were then whipped swiftly into care and placed in a temporary home.  You had no idea what was happening but it was really great not to have to forage in bins for food.  You still, even two years later, didn't really trust that there would be food.  You hid food and tended to spend any pocket money on food.  Sometimes even making yourself ill hiding and eating it all.  Your school at the time worked really hard on doing everything they could to support the changes and help you learn how to make friends.  You started to learn that you could trust adults but you didn't really trust that they liked you.  Sometimes you tested whether they did by shouting swear words and threatening them.  Sometimes they seemed a bit shocked and scared.  That made you feel sad and lost.  They always gave you a fresh start though and they told you that you were good at things.  You didn't think you were though.  You didn't really understand which things you were supposed to be good at anyway.

After the first 18 months you were moved to a permanent long term home.  You didn't understand that this made you one of the very lucky ones who had a wonderful family who wanted to do everything they could to care for you and commit to the long term.  You had your second ever Christmas.  You didn't understand and became angry and scared.  That seemed to make the adults sad and you didn't understand why.

You were placed at a local village school.  It was hard, you found the change confusing.  You were much taller than the other children but you were so very desperate to get into the role play area in the infant class.  Your level of learning was below that expected for a seven year old and you knew and could see how far behind you were.  But you started to learn that the adults at school would help you and work with you whenever you needed them to.  You started to get some lovely one to one sessions for learning and you really enjoyed those. You started to learn that it isn't a good idea to take a teddy bear everywhere.  You started to learn that whatever happened the adults around you at home and at school cared.  You started to learn that you were going to be fed, spoken to and cared about every day at home and at school.  No matter what you did.

You started doing some things to test whether this was going to stay true.  You started doing those things two weeks before SATs week, which you didn't know about of course.  The adults didn't find that very easy to deal with, especially the school ones, but they worked through it.  Because it did stay true.  The adults cared no matter what.

The first morning of SATs you felt worried and sad.  You got the idea something important was happening and it involved doing hard school work.  You couldn't do hard school work.  Your adults at home though supported you and fed you a good breakfast, made sure you had both pairs of glasses and allowed a small stuffed elephant.  Everyone was bringing a mascot that day.  You felt better.  At school you felt better again when your teacher explained that you were going to be sitting separately with two school adults you normally work with one to one so that you could think and not be disturbed. You wanted to give it the best go you could, and you did.  You felt proud that you only had to miss out four questions.  You told your teacher you were going to try hard tomorrow too.

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The child you have imagined joined a small cohort of year 6 pupils in November at a level 2C.  The child represents 14% of that cohort's results.  The headteacher knew that this would affect attainment results.  The headteacher decided that the child being in a small, nurturing environment was more important than attainment results and green Ofsted attainment data dashboards.

This is just one child.  Many schools have large groups of these children.  There isn't enough understanding by the floor target decision makers about what it takes to put a child like this back together.  And this child has a permanent long term home and so is one of the lucky ones compared to some children in care.  Most inspection teams now look at progress and look carefully about what is being done with children like this.  Ours certainly did.  But not all do.  The culture of fear that exists means that sometimes these children, who already have enough to cope with, are even further disadvantaged.